You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
