there's paper in my vomit.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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