No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
