i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
