Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
