No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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