I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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