did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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