3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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