I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
