his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Randomize
