You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
if only i could text you this smell
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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