I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
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