Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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