Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize