drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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