wanna go halves on a baby?
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
