I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
