I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
