like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
