its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
