I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
