I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
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