I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
