bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
