Me too!
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
