If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I love you. Go after that dick
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
