Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
