i just wanna soil my oats bro
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
