so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
