walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize