I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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