A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
