i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
