umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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