wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
