I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
