I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize