Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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