well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
