She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
We are all done wearing pants today
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
