If i come over, it means nothing
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
