I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
