were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
