you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
