She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
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