yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
