one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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