I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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