remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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