I wannas sexs uuuuu
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize