Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
