9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
