Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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