Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize