Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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