I heard we made out
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
