I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
