She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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