So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
