I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
