i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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