If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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