We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
