First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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