Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
