you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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