Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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