you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize