When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
